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Learning to Forgive Amidst Pain and Betrayal
When surrendering feels impossible
Surrender is scary.
Giving in feels like defeat.
Even when I know it’s the right thing to do, yielding everything to God is scary.
It also feels impossible. The weight of all that I’m thinking and feeling is just so dang big and ugly.
Do you know what I mean?
Sometimes I cling so tightly to my fears I don’t even recognize them for what they are.
Bondage. Oppression. Lack of trust.
Oh, and then there’s that other thing — pride.
Pride keeps me from seeing straight and it twists all of my perceptions. It makes asking for help so difficult that I forget that it’s even an option. I knew I crossed the line during the argument with my husband, but I was so angry and resentful, I didn’t care if my words hurt. I wanted to hurt him. After what he did to me, I had every right to feel angry. I felt betrayed and spit on. The damage he caused sent me reeling for weeks. I struggled to complete the simplest of tasks like playing with my kids, making breakfast, and folding laundry.
